This chapter is a personal favorite. I remember taking this journey with my husband to create the affection we needed in our marriage. It was a significant challenge for us. I grew up in a very loving and affectionate home (not to say he didn’t) but we later learned the extreme differences in which we were raised, contributed to the way we interacted with each other. When I was a baby, my mother always used the softest cloth material she could find for our bedding, our clothes and even the stuffed toys were selected carefully. Especially because we were born and raised in the islands, my mom took so much pride in her girls; the way she bathed us with care and would then rub us down with vaseline from head to toe so that our skin would be smooth as a baby’s bottom. Sometimes we were so oily we practically started frying as soon as we stepped foot in the sun. As my mother’s first biological child (I have two older sisters), my aunts and uncles spoiled me rotten. I received tons of hugs, kisses and attention during my childhood and for me that became my definition of love. As an adult, I realized I display the same level of affection towards the people I love. I give tons of hugs, kisses and unlimited amounts of “I love you” it’s a blessings and a curse, a curse because when I don’t receive that same level of affection in return, I can sometimes misinterpret other people feelings towards me.
My husband was raised in a household that demonstrated their love differently from what I was accustomed to. According to him, they didn’t do all that mushy stuff, however, there was nothing they wouldn’t do for each other when it came down to it. If there was a need, they would do whatever I took to be there, just don’t expect all those feelings in between (lol). This caused a lot of tension in the earlier stages of our relationship. He wasn’t for PDA (public display of affection) and that made me feel as if he was somewhat ashamed to be with me (lol) long story short, after meeting each other’s families we understood why we were so different. I went around his family and said “okay, I get it” and he went around my family and he said, “baby, I get it”. We truly become the product of our environment and once we were able to identify those root causes, we both had that light bulb switch moment. Ever since that moment, we both became more open to trying, doing and giving each other what we needed to feel fulfilled in our marriage. I understood why receiving and giving gifts was my husband’s love language, because that’s how love was shown to him as a child and he later understood why physical touch, and words of affirmations were my top two love languages.
Stormie noted in this chapter, “Many people, even godly men and women, live in marriages that are dead because there is no affection. And women endure it because their husbands are good in other ways, or they don’t feel worthy enough to ask for affection. But this is not the way God designed the marital relationship.” (1 Corinthians 7:3) Let the husband render to his wife the affection due to her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. (Ecclesiastes 3:5) There is a time to embrace, and when you’re married that is certainly the time to embrace. “Affection isn’t at the top of a man’s priority list because men often see sex and affection as being the same. A woman’s greatest need is for affection, if you are in a marriage that lacks it, pray for the Holy Spirit’s transformation."
Prayer truly works! My husband isn’t perfect but he has grown so much in this area and I am so pleased with him because it didn’t come naturally for him. Sometimes, I now have to tell him “baby that’s enough kisses for one day” (lol). I am so grateful for the power of prayer and a husband that is open to doing whatever it takes to be pleasing in the sight of God.
Here are some scriptures the author provided to help you through this area while you’re praying: Philippians 2:1-2, Ephesians 5:29-29, Philippians 2:4, Song of Solomon 2:6 and 1 Corinthians 10:24
Hope this has been a blessing to you all, feel free to leave your feedback in the comment section below this blog post or in our facebook group (search Dopewives on facebook). Have you made your purchase for the book and study guide? If you still have not made your purchase do so now through the links included in this email for your convenience. Talk to you all next Sunday for our Chapter 6: ‘His Temptations’ blog review.